Posts tagged ‘Paris Hilton’

A conversation we have all of us had

– posted by russellmania3000

It begins something like this:

Act I, Scene I: The scene opens to the cold light of dawn. Two middle-aged men exit a makeshift trading post/tavern made of rotting beechwood located on the desolate main drag of a lonely rural mining town. Their skin is leathery and worn full of crevices such that a close-up photograph of one of their cheeks might look like a topographical image of the Himalayas. They walk together, blowing steamy breath into clenched fists and speaking in hushed tones. They wear silly fur hats.

Dmitri: What is this, this Sonic? Day after day I see their advertisements on the moving picture box, teasing and tempting me with their patties of ground beef, and slushie happy hours, and tots! Oh, the tots! But here, in the frozen wastes of the Urals, such an establishment there is not. Believe me comrade, I have looked, for my eyes long for the sight and my tongue for the taste.

Vladimir: They are places of legend, my friend, for in all my wandering I have happened upon nary a one for many moons. You will not find Sonic and her fresh bounties within 500 leagues of this place. But I have many fond memories of a carefree childhood in Omsk, for it was there that my family took my sister and me weekly to market and, after a long day of trading and peddling our wares in the village square, we ate a hearty meal of breakfast burritos and onion rings. Those were happier days. But here in the mines of Narodnaya, for us there is only sweat and dust and the meager root stew.

Dmitri: But why, Vladimir, tell me, why do they mock us with promotional messages for goods which we cannot procure? Surely such a ruse is not worth the price!

Vladimir: It is a strange and cruel fate that we should be cast so from the light and warmth of the simple pleasures we desire most.

Exeunt Dmitri and Vladimir stage left. End scene.

Or in 3-panel strip form, if you prefer it.

Like many of you, for years I have seen Sonic ads on TV, shaken my fist at the heavens, spat at almighty God and persevered. Or just went to Five Guys. I don’t want to make pithy banter with a balding friend or dumpy-looking wife or chubby Paris Hilton lookalike and even more busted female. And by busted I don’t mean she has nice mammaries or resembles a plaster cast from the shoulders up. I mean that when photons bounce off her body and are recorded by a camera, and this recording is played back so that more photons in the pattern of her visage scurry in the direction of my ocular cavity, the net result is an unpleasant sensation in my cerebellum. No, I just want a burger.

Last week some coworkers and I took a little 20-minute excursion up I-95 to get to the nearest Sonic, which was out in Bensalem in a run down industrial area that I would have no reason to go to otherwise. This kind of thing isn’t uncommon for us; we’ve driven a half hour to get to an Arby’s because, let’s be honest, time out of the office is time out of the office any way you slice it. Sonic’s website says “[t]here are more than 3400 SONICĀ® Drive-In locations across the country.” Just none where you live. Especially if you live in a city. Bensalem is not a city. In any case, if you haven’t been or even seen one (both my seeing and tasting cherries were popped with one thrust), Sonic is indeed delicious, though it would have been more delicious if a girl on roller skates brought out our food on one of those trays that hooks onto the car door.

But all this skullduggery does have an explanation, and a method behind the apparent scattershot advertising strategy. National cable advertising is, at certain volumes, cheaper than regionally targeted advertising, so that’s a no brainer right there. But the genius of the whole thing is that it drives people mad with wonder and envy. How flabbergasting it must be, as say, a resident of metropolitan New York, to find yourself jealous of some yokel from Georgia or Tennessee or where-bumblefucking-ever because they have a Sonic and you don’t, and you have to pay out the ass for McDonald’s in NY. They’ve stumbled upon the holy grail of marketing, sort of. They’ve achieved the kind of viral, word-of-mouth-driven national discussion that everyone wants, over the subject of “where the fuck is there a Sonic,” simply by advertising something that’s not available. Now, whenever they open a new joint, they get all kinds of media coverage and blog hype and lines around the block because they’ve been advertising for years to people who want to be customers but can’t.

This is not a new strategy or phenomenon. Companies have been doing this for decades in areas where they plan to launch. You’ll notice the ambiguous “Respekt” outdoor ads for Cricket mobile phone services around Philadelphia presently. They’re not available here yet, but they will be soon, and at that point they’ll start to demystify their messaging and identify that top-heavy K with their wordmark/logotype (a befuddling design choice). The difference here is Cricket isn’t offering any specific deal or even saying who they are, which is…I don’t know, who cares. But Sonic is offering free tots and gigantic slushies for under $1 to anyone in the nation lucky enough to live by or drive by one and that’s apparently been pretty rabble-rousing. The more significant difference is that Cricket’s hype/awareness campaign, and most things of that nature, will last maybe weeks or months. I’m not positive but Leap, their owner, has indicated they hope to that by the end of this year they will have rolled out service in all 27 markets they won bids on in the 2006 FCC auction. By contrast, Sonic has been advertising in Philadelphia and other major metropolitan areas for years and have yet to announce any new locations there. In fact there may never be a Sonic in Philly. But their incessant advertising has given them a legion of customers-in-waiting who are ready for a cross-country road trip, or like me, the opportunity to take an extra long lunch.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as a marketing guy, I am delighted that a protracted campaign designed to frustrate and drive people bats might actually work really well. It would sure be fun to try.

PS: holy balls.

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February 12, 2009 at 2:54 PM Leave a comment

The Good Double Life

all rights reserved, the hour, flickr.com

all rights reserved, the hour, flickr.com

I can remember being younger, and swearing I would be a rocker one day. The lead singer of a giant rock band. I forgot a major part in joining a rock band was learning an instrument. Well, I had an electric guitar, I just never bothered to finish learning how chords work. I blame it on my small hands. So I decided to pursue a career with my other passion, art.

I was playing the game of Life with some friends, I picked the career card of an artist. Unlike real life, this career came with a salary of $100,000. I decided I must be a celebrity artist, like David Byrne (above). He has been popular on the alternative music scene since the 80s for being the lead man of the Talking Heads. Since he spent all that money going to one of the finest art schools, RISD, he’s managed to pursue his career as an artist as well. This September, I first heard the new collaborative album between David Byrne and Brian Eno, titled Everything that Happens will Happen Today. It was the melody of the single, Strange Overtones, I couldn’t get out of my head. When I got the album, I really liked the cover art and type treatment. I was not suprised album art master Stephen Sagmeister was responsible.

I still have a hard time getting the song out of my head once it’s there. I then read on another blog, David Byrne had designed temporary installations of bike racks around New York City. You don’t often hear about people becoming famous, and then successfully pursuing art or design. Allow me to point out all the horrible celebrity fashion designers out there. Or perhaps the famous people who most certainly have nothing to do with their design line, or perhaps too much to do with the design, other than their name being plastered on everything. There’s even the famous people who decide they can create music.

Now I’m not saying since you have plenty of money you shouldn’t produce an album. Go for it! But perhaps maybe you should produce a band or an artist who’s been working on their masterpiece for 10 years plus. I’m not an artistic genius, but I’m willing to bet that studio album you cut in six months is about as good an idea as Paris Hilton opening her mouth to speak, much less sing.

David Byrne references pop up everywhere. It’s because over the years, his following has placed enormous trust in what he finds interesting, and assume it will probably pique their interest. I was passed along a link for a great list of the Best/Worst Design in 2008. If you don’t frequent Under Consideration yet, you will now. The 826 Pirate Store front was acknowledged by Byrne as “definitely one of the top five pirate stores.” I think it looks pretty awesome, but I’m partial to pirates and booty. It’s not just that Byrne takes interest in what’s cool, but what’s cool really like him. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, MGMT is one of the best bands to gain a serious following in 2008, comparable to Justice in 2007. They have covered Talking Heads This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody). There have been many awesome covers of Talking Heads songs over the years, as well as art attached to the albums.

I’ve heard if you want to be successful, you should model yourself after successful people you would like to embody. Fortunately for me and my dream of achieving a multi-faceted career, I have looked to David Byrne for inspiration. With the advent of blogging, I can now follow David Byrne’s thought process with ease!

-posted by samsquared

December 29, 2008 at 3:39 PM 2 comments


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