Posts filed under ‘media’

Non Sequiturs, Vol. 2: Verizon culture wars

– posted by russellmania3000

This isn’t really my attempt to be clever or write Twitter-style without using Twitter or whatever, these are just things that if I were in a more self-indulgent mood, I would try to stretch into full written pieces but I’m not so here they all are.

On the subject of Twitter, I registered a few accounts on Twitter for my name and working alias, and one for Redikulus more as just a joke for Sam. I came down pretty hard on Twitter before, and I haven’t entirely had a change of heart, but the issue comes down to one of 1) protecting your name/personal brand, and, especially for design and marketing people like myself, 2) cultural/tech/media literacy. Twitter may be stupid or turn out to be a passing fad, but it’s important to be familiar with the new ways people chose to communicate. You may not like TV or fashion mags either but you won’t go far in design and marketing if you don’t understand or at least make an attempt to learn the nuances of the media you deal with. Besides, if you meet someone you want to have in your corner and they ask if you’re on Twitter, you don’t want to be the guy who obstinately says “I don’t do that.” You don’t have to use it, just have it available for a rainy day. It’s just a good idea in the same way registering the URL for your name or having a Gmail account using your name is a good idea.

I used to feel guilty or slack-ass for not writing more blog, and Sam and I would get on each other’s case about it, but since we’ve lost a little interest and don’t have the time or sense of urgency as much as when we first started, I assuage my anxiety by convincing myself that the relative rarity of our posts makes our blog more valuable, more like a quarterly journal of literary review or something.

I’ve got the cheapo freebee kind of phone (12-button keypad, not a full qwerty keyboard) so when I send text messages, its inordinately difficult to use profanity. The mode that guesses what word I want refuses to admit that I might be interested in cursing and hammering that shit out manually is just stupid and time-consuming, especially because I have to switch from guessing mode to manual and then back to guessing mode when I’m done. People who pay more for phones get the added benefit of the Verizon moral police leaving them the hell alone. Fuck that shit. What business does Verizon or Samsung have making it more difficult for me to use in private conversation words that the FCC unilaterally decided aren’t appropriate for public broadcast? Speaking of, if this digital TV transition ever actually happens and over-the-air goes away, wouldn’t that leave no reason for the FCC to exist?

It just occurred to me that while at first skydivers seem really impressive, what’s more impressive is the skydiving cameraman. Clearly he’s performing the more challenging activity of the two. I don’t necessarily mean skydiving, maybe rock climbing or hang gliding or skiing or other dangerous/physically demanding activities where some people do it and then some other guy does it too but with camera in tow and manages to get some good shots.

I’m not a big soda drinker, but here’s the key to enjoying a carbonated beverage: ginger ale/Sprite-ish stuff tastes much better close to room temperature but cola/root beer/Dr. P is better refrigerated. I say refrigerated and not chilled because putting ice in soda is just about as bad as putting ice in good scotch. I don’t want to hear anything to the contrary.

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May 12, 2009 at 8:12 PM Leave a comment

Self-indulgence is the new black

~or~

If you think now is a good time to write an article about Twitter or Facebook or “social media,” you’re high as shit

– posted by russellmania3000

Because really, the last thing I want to hear or see is someone else just now catching on to one of the dumbest things to get big on the web. How about you write me an article about 10 things I should be doing on Twitter and I write you an article about 10 things you should be writing about instead of Twitter? Does that sound like fun? By the way, if you think the fail whale is an ok tattoo because it’s a cute piece of illustration despite what it means, you should know that the same dude also has an Adobe AIR logo tattoo, which is…ugh nevermind.

The Sr. VP of Biz at work sent me this the other day, not as like a joke or a sarcastic musing, but as her way of saying that even though she doesn’t really get Twitter or Facebook, she’s excited that our organization is involved on those platforms. Thanks to me. And I don’t feel great about it, but if I didn’t get them on Twitter, I wouldn’t be doing my job. And that’s the sad state we’re in. What’s sadder than that? My old intern Zack just interviewed with the San Antonio Spurs for a social media position. I’m not familiar with their front office, and maybe they have a new media team that runs 7 deep like the Suns, but I doubt it, and seeing as how their team site isn’t a gleaming example of modernity, I’m not convinced that spending money to lose focus is the right idea.

I’ve been making a concerted effort to avoid own-industry-bridge-burning-slash-mud-slinging, but fuck it, I’ve always wanted to drive a truck or be a cop or something. Here we go.

This is Chris Brogan, and he is high as shit. He writes about social media marketing on his blog, makes good money banking on his reputation, and has all kinds of followers on Twitter. He writes disposable bits about personal branding or storytelling in marketing or how to not be a toolbag when attending a marketing conference, forgetting of course that attending the conference in the first place is grade A toolbaggery. He has no sense of humor. He formulaically ends his posts with cute little open-ended/rhetorical questions like “Now that we’re done discussing turd-polishing, what do you think? What turds have you polished lately? Are there turds you’re leaving unpolished when you should be scrubbing away?” with the intention of generating discussion, or probably more likely the intention of getting some CEO to think “gee wiz I’ve never thought about our business that way. He’s good. We should pay him to polish our turds”, but in practice it reads like he’s writing to third graders or belittling his audience, as in “what did you ever do? Nothing! I invented the piano key necktie.”

The other day I was having a beer with my friend Becky, a card-carrying member of the North American Society of People Who Couldn’t Go 5 Minutes Without Touching Their IPhone Even If They Had No Hands Or Feet. I love Becky, but she’s one of those people who, when you’re hanging out with them, you’re not really hanging out with them, you’re just sort of sharing the same physical space while they tap away at their phones. It’s a whole different thing than people who are always talking on their phone, because at some point the phone call ends and you can reasonably assume their attention has returned to the here and now, at least until the next one begins, but for compulsive texters/emailers/Twitterers/Facebookers, the time spent not tapping away, you know, existing fully in the temporal plane, it’s really just a lull spent in anticipation of that noise that used to mean “your CD is done ripping” but now means something entirely different and I’m not sure exactly what because my phone is the cheap-o free kind that you get three more of when you buy one for like $20. The other pertinent bit of information that makes this whole thing make sense is that she had recently fornicated with a guy whose girlfriend was pregnant and so Becky was currently being ostracized by this particular circle of friends, and understandably so. Mid-beer, roughly the following words were exchanged:

Becky: “I hate those guys, they never tell me what’s going on.”

Me: “Huh?” (I wasn’t paying attention because she had spent the last 5 minutes burried in IPhone)

Her: “They put where they’re going on Twitter, but you know how you can put, like, @-someone? They never put @-me.”

Me: “Why don’t you just follow them? Isn’t that the point of Twitter?”

Her: “I guess, but don’t you think that’s kind of desperate?”

My job is in new media marketing, just like Chris Brogan only I’m not high as shit. I don’t mean to pick on Chris; there are hundreds if not thousands of others just like him but I’m not readily familiar with too many because I don’t live in San Francisco. I know what’s up in the web/tech world, most of the time. Personally, I don’t use Twitter, but I do on behalf of the professional sports franchise that employs me. I thought I was aware of most of the mores and norms of this platform, but apparently not. The new thing I learned that day: actually following your friends on Twitter, you know, using it as it is intended and most effectively used, is so faux pas.

Let’s stop picking on Chris. This is John Chow, who, as he puts it himself, “make[s] money online by telling people how much money [he] make[s] online.” The fact that he can state such openly and still be taken so seriously and make so much coin is a good indicator of just how much Kool Aid is being passed around at the new media cult meeting, I mean party. He is, in point of fact, high as shit, though not in the same way some other guys like Brogan are high as shit (Whoops. Sorry Chris. It just comes so easily.), because deep down I think he gets that what he does is simple Simon nonsense, and to a certain extent he’s honest about it. He also made an adorable video about parenting.

This time I’m going to try really hard not to make fun of Chris. This is Guy Kawasaki. He’s a former marketing guy for Apple, now doing stuff far less interesting, and this is going to shock you, but Guy is high as shit and luuuvs Twitter. Like I mean, he really hearts it, so much so that he’s so busy going to conferences to talk about Twitter that he doesn’t have time to actually do it so he pays other people to do it for him, not like for his business, for him personally like you might pay someone to do your food shopping or dog walking. And this is I believe a good illustration of the internet meme You’re Doing It Wrong(sic). Can you tell I’ve been reading Infinite Jest? But that’s not why I brought Guy up. Guy gave a talk on Twitter at SES recently. I wasn’t there because I’m not a toolbag, but I heard he went on a tangent about how he doesn’t understand why Padmasree Warrior, Cisco’s CTO and holder of the world’s second most awesome name (first being Moxie Crimefighter Jillette), was on so many people’s recommended-to-follow list on Twitter and he wasn’t. Guy, if you’re out there, the answer is because maybe you’re the kind of guy who gets upset over Twitter. That and you don’t work at Apple anymore. Cisco is important and Alltop isn’t. Twitter also probably hates Hawaiians.

The VP of Technology at our team’s parent company sent me this article, right before he sent me a bunch of other stupid articles about social media. Probably around 90% of the people who write for Ad Age are high as shit, but their niche is in being staggeringly behind the curve and painfully speculative, vague and obvious, so one can only fault them so much. But the point is already there are ad agencies that offer placement in Twitter feeds, and Twitter itself is developing paid account features. Like hell it can’t be monetized. That’s exactly what happens when a platform’s user base nearly doubles in a little over one month.

Facebook recently changed the way most of their pages look and behave, and while the word on the street is they’ve gotten enough complaints that they’re already rethinking and making changes, the makeover is a tell that while the network isn’t over yet in the way that MySpace is over, it will be over sooner or later. Facebook’s ui is now clunkier, inelegant, straying from the near-perfect identity that made it such a success. But the upshot, I suppose from Zuckerberg’s view, is that it’s now more like Twitter. That idiot turned down all kinds of ducket in a buyout offer a couple years ago. In a couple more he’ll be kicking himself.

Here’s the thing about Twitter. It’s not all the rage because it’s simple or easy to use or “enables you to communicate in new and interesting ways” or any of that new media cult jargon. For one thing, it’s not simple. If you want to use Facebook, where do you go? Facebook.com. If you want to use Twitter, where do you go? Twitter.com? Amateur. Excuse me. Noob. There are enough third party desktop apps, feed aggregators, publishing tools and tracking utilities to make your head spin. All the really neat/lame/neat again/lame again shit people are doing with Twitter isn’t built in at all. And it’s not even that it’s compatible with mobile devices. There’s this arcane technology called email that’s been on phones for years. Hell, you wouldn’t believe, but phones actually make phone calls, or voice chats if you will, so you can fucking communicate in real fucking time and keep in touch with people and let them know what the fuck you’re doing.

Remember when you used to really like mentally invest yourself in thinking up the perfect song lyric that ever so poignantly expressed how you were feeling, right at that moment, man, so you could put it in your away message on AIM? Don’t lie, yes you do. Remember sitting around just sort of looking at other people’s away messages for the better part of an hour? Or coming home and checking your computer and the surge of pride and validation you felt when you saw all the people who responded to your away message while you were out, or the pang of disappointment you felt when no one responded, not even the person you expressly crafted the message for in the hopes that she would read it (you little emo fucker) ? I have to reach back about 7 years for that kind of warm and fuzzy memory but some of you might not have to go so far. Hell, some of you might have done this same sort of thing a couple months ago with your Facebook status, before you took up, in a nostalgic throwback to crafting AIM profiles, writing lists of 25 things that no one wants to know.

Then again, you might not have to go back that far either. If you’re a Twitter user, chances are you participated in this same sort of time-honored fishing-for-attention ritual earlier today. What Twitter really brings to the table is a diabolical tightening in and expanding upon the core of what makes self-indulgence and voyeurism so appealing to so many while stripping away all the extraneous features of social networks that might cause you to lose focus on yourself. Don’t have digital camera? Can’t edit video worth a damn? Screw that shit, relegate it to links to other sites. Can’t formulate cogent thoughts and arguments in written English? Fuck it, 140 characters is no place for nuance, complete sentences/spelling/punctuation optional. Don’t have any hip interests or feel weird lying about what bands/books/movies you like? Profiles are a thing of the past. Don’t have any real friends to friend? Plenty of people you don’t know will follow you for no reason. Your life is so stunningly uninteresting that your Facebook page is a barren waste of inactivity? Tweet on behalf of your pet. Or real people who have better things to do. Bored by friend counts or unable to generate comments? The following-to-follower ratio provides a brave new paradigm for competing for status.

From a business standpoint, I totally get the whole Twitter cult. There’s no compelling reason not to join and that’s why I helped get our organization on board. People might ask how much money you’ll really make or traffic you’ll generate or engagement you’ll create in your audience and the answer is I don’t know, but however much it is, it’s more than you would get by not doing it. And even though I don’t have a personal account, I can see the potential value for the individual. I just don’t see the potential being put into practice all that much. The kind of people who use Twitter in valuable ways are the kind of people that would get the same shit done if Twitter didn’t exist. They’d be awarded the same jobs, have the same reach to the same audience through blogging or something else, contribute to the same communities, and so on.

But for the laymen, the students, accountants, bankers, (ahem) fabric designers, media figureheads, entertainers and scores of other people who have joined the cult, something vile and absurd and uncomfortably revealing about what it is to be human is coming out of them on Twitter. It is a gateway drug, an enabler of a kind of short and not-at-all-sweet celebration of self, or the celebration of circuitous, silly shit, like tweeting about how to use Twitter better. It’s another way to shout at the world about nothing of consequence, another way to wear ourselves obnoxiously on our sleeves, another mirror for us to look into. It teaches us to use characters efficiently at the cost of using language well. It encourages us to believe the way to be interesting is to be proliferate rather than thoughtful. I mean for fuck’s sake, athletes are Twittering at halftime instead of listening to their coaches and Congressmen are Twittering instead of listening to the President speak. I don’t know what that speaks volumes about more: how little respect they have for Obama, how much Congressmen are shitty people, how much they don’t really care about how fucked this country is, or how clear it is that, even though we might like it and much like a lot of other things we happen to like, Twitter isn’t a good thing for us.

March 29, 2009 at 6:55 PM 3 comments

A conversation we have all of us had

– posted by russellmania3000

It begins something like this:

Act I, Scene I: The scene opens to the cold light of dawn. Two middle-aged men exit a makeshift trading post/tavern made of rotting beechwood located on the desolate main drag of a lonely rural mining town. Their skin is leathery and worn full of crevices such that a close-up photograph of one of their cheeks might look like a topographical image of the Himalayas. They walk together, blowing steamy breath into clenched fists and speaking in hushed tones. They wear silly fur hats.

Dmitri: What is this, this Sonic? Day after day I see their advertisements on the moving picture box, teasing and tempting me with their patties of ground beef, and slushie happy hours, and tots! Oh, the tots! But here, in the frozen wastes of the Urals, such an establishment there is not. Believe me comrade, I have looked, for my eyes long for the sight and my tongue for the taste.

Vladimir: They are places of legend, my friend, for in all my wandering I have happened upon nary a one for many moons. You will not find Sonic and her fresh bounties within 500 leagues of this place. But I have many fond memories of a carefree childhood in Omsk, for it was there that my family took my sister and me weekly to market and, after a long day of trading and peddling our wares in the village square, we ate a hearty meal of breakfast burritos and onion rings. Those were happier days. But here in the mines of Narodnaya, for us there is only sweat and dust and the meager root stew.

Dmitri: But why, Vladimir, tell me, why do they mock us with promotional messages for goods which we cannot procure? Surely such a ruse is not worth the price!

Vladimir: It is a strange and cruel fate that we should be cast so from the light and warmth of the simple pleasures we desire most.

Exeunt Dmitri and Vladimir stage left. End scene.

Or in 3-panel strip form, if you prefer it.

Like many of you, for years I have seen Sonic ads on TV, shaken my fist at the heavens, spat at almighty God and persevered. Or just went to Five Guys. I don’t want to make pithy banter with a balding friend or dumpy-looking wife or chubby Paris Hilton lookalike and even more busted female. And by busted I don’t mean she has nice mammaries or resembles a plaster cast from the shoulders up. I mean that when photons bounce off her body and are recorded by a camera, and this recording is played back so that more photons in the pattern of her visage scurry in the direction of my ocular cavity, the net result is an unpleasant sensation in my cerebellum. No, I just want a burger.

Last week some coworkers and I took a little 20-minute excursion up I-95 to get to the nearest Sonic, which was out in Bensalem in a run down industrial area that I would have no reason to go to otherwise. This kind of thing isn’t uncommon for us; we’ve driven a half hour to get to an Arby’s because, let’s be honest, time out of the office is time out of the office any way you slice it. Sonic’s website says “[t]here are more than 3400 SONIC® Drive-In locations across the country.” Just none where you live. Especially if you live in a city. Bensalem is not a city. In any case, if you haven’t been or even seen one (both my seeing and tasting cherries were popped with one thrust), Sonic is indeed delicious, though it would have been more delicious if a girl on roller skates brought out our food on one of those trays that hooks onto the car door.

But all this skullduggery does have an explanation, and a method behind the apparent scattershot advertising strategy. National cable advertising is, at certain volumes, cheaper than regionally targeted advertising, so that’s a no brainer right there. But the genius of the whole thing is that it drives people mad with wonder and envy. How flabbergasting it must be, as say, a resident of metropolitan New York, to find yourself jealous of some yokel from Georgia or Tennessee or where-bumblefucking-ever because they have a Sonic and you don’t, and you have to pay out the ass for McDonald’s in NY. They’ve stumbled upon the holy grail of marketing, sort of. They’ve achieved the kind of viral, word-of-mouth-driven national discussion that everyone wants, over the subject of “where the fuck is there a Sonic,” simply by advertising something that’s not available. Now, whenever they open a new joint, they get all kinds of media coverage and blog hype and lines around the block because they’ve been advertising for years to people who want to be customers but can’t.

This is not a new strategy or phenomenon. Companies have been doing this for decades in areas where they plan to launch. You’ll notice the ambiguous “Respekt” outdoor ads for Cricket mobile phone services around Philadelphia presently. They’re not available here yet, but they will be soon, and at that point they’ll start to demystify their messaging and identify that top-heavy K with their wordmark/logotype (a befuddling design choice). The difference here is Cricket isn’t offering any specific deal or even saying who they are, which is…I don’t know, who cares. But Sonic is offering free tots and gigantic slushies for under $1 to anyone in the nation lucky enough to live by or drive by one and that’s apparently been pretty rabble-rousing. The more significant difference is that Cricket’s hype/awareness campaign, and most things of that nature, will last maybe weeks or months. I’m not positive but Leap, their owner, has indicated they hope to that by the end of this year they will have rolled out service in all 27 markets they won bids on in the 2006 FCC auction. By contrast, Sonic has been advertising in Philadelphia and other major metropolitan areas for years and have yet to announce any new locations there. In fact there may never be a Sonic in Philly. But their incessant advertising has given them a legion of customers-in-waiting who are ready for a cross-country road trip, or like me, the opportunity to take an extra long lunch.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as a marketing guy, I am delighted that a protracted campaign designed to frustrate and drive people bats might actually work really well. It would sure be fun to try.

PS: holy balls.

February 12, 2009 at 2:54 PM Leave a comment

Vince Offer’d

By now, I sincerely hope most of you have become familiar with the infomercials Slap Chop and Sham Wow. Infamous for coming up with classic one liners, like “You’re going to love my nuts,” and “You know the Germans always make good stuff,” Vince Offer has enchanted not only the internet blogging community, but the television shoppers simultaneously.

It turns out that Vince is a multi-talented human being. I’m not referring to the fact that he can wear a head-set and demonstrate a product simultaneously, but that he has written and directed a movie titled The Underground Comedy Movie. I owe a serious thank you to my friend Dylan for bringing this to my attention, and subsequently, your attention as well. This movie was made by Vince, and was a bigger budget realization of a public access show he helped to create in L.A. in the late 80s and early 90s. What follows here is a spoof of California Girls performed by David Lee Roth. At least that is my estimation.

This movie is absolutely as bad as you can imagine it is. Despite promising appearances by Slash and that big Black dude from Green Mile, a soundtrack full of punk classics, as well as Vince Offer’s terrible singing, you are still pained by the hour and a half that the movies plays.  It’s crude, and absurd, both things that would normally cause me to proclaim deep love for a movie and have no other master. Vince, your fame has come via the infomercial. Despite your problems with the Scientology Nation and There’s Something about Mary, your fame has finally come! Enjoy the 15 minutes, although by this point, you probably only have five left.

-posted by samsquared

February 9, 2009 at 7:37 PM 2 comments

Moobies!

Mooby

Mooby

I haven’t been the only person to notice that the movies out in theatres leave a lot to be desired. For example, better movies. Now, I don’t consider the limited release award winning movies playing at selected theatres part of the crud that is out there. I also don’t usually get all huffy about what movie is number one from week to week. The last movie I remember noting for it’s box office returns was Madagascar 2. If you weren’t excited for this movie to come out along with the rest of America: number 1, you aren’t American, and number 2, you clearly haven’t seen this!

And I enjoyed this for a year or so, before realizing the pure genius behind this character is none other than Sasha Baron Cohen. I could care less about Borat, and the success of that movie. However, at least it was entertaining, which brings me back to the point of this post. Paul Blart, Mall Cop?!?!??!? If someone understands why this has been wildly popular, enough to be more successful than Clint Eastwood’s last appearance on the big screen ever, I would love to be enlightened.

When first viewing the terrible trailer for Paul Blart, I was taken back to another time in my life. A time when I was more like Paul Blart, I worked at a mall. I actually was more experienced than Paul Blart, as I worked at two different malls. The second mall used to be the largest mall in America, before the Mall of America was built in Minnesota, the King of Prussia Mall in Pennsylvnia. If that sounds rich to you, it’s because most of the people who shop there are, terribly rich that is. This is a fancy mall, with fancy stores, jewelry stores that are only open by appointment. Stores with doorbells. While, we’re dropping the Minnesota references: you should be familiar with doorbell stores from Mighty Ducks 2. (see 6:00 minutes in)

One day while walking through the mall, on an average day to work, a large shadow silenty flew past me. By the time I gathered my senses, I realized that it was a mall-cop (or mall security guard, I think mall-cop has a more negative connotation). Not just any mall-cop, but one that was speeded along by his use of a Segway. Yes, Segways are quite hysterical. I’ve even noticed Police pimping out Segways Xhibit style for patrolling use, too. How are these going to help you patrol? Will they help you catch thieves? Obviously not, the Segway Security was unable to catch a man who ran out of the mall with a ring worth $300,000.

If you ever have several hours to waste, I highly recommend wasting them on the hours of footage YouTube provides on the subject of Segway crashes. I mostly have the ingenious (but sadly canceled) show of Arrested Development to thank for introducing me to the stupidity of technology known as Segways, and how to laugh at it. Upon viewing the garbage of a trailer, showing Paul Blart maneuvering on a Segway, I was unconvinced that this was comedy. But why? So many possibilities! Let me tell you.

Harry Potter rip-off Blart

Harry Potter rip-off Blart

I had been able to keep Kevin James out of my thought process up until this point in my life. Suddenly I saw this comedian, enjoying his mild popularity and celebrity, using his success funds to spend a Saturday shopping in a mall. He must have had a stroke of genius when he noticed the mall-cops riding their Segways, and decided it would make an excellent comedic film. I would love to be able to say that he was wrong, and that this was a terrible failure. I would  love to suggest that this was an awful idea! I can’t though, you know why? Because that movie made almost 40 million dollars its opening weekend. What?!?! I can’t believe this junk is a hit. There are funny stories and happenings at the mall, I would know from experience. Mall-cops are not one of these things, even if they are riding Segways. Not to mention, Mall Rats could never be outdone. Would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?

With the exception of Gran Torino, lets take a look at the other garbage currently in the movies. We have the Notorious movie, which caused multiple incidents of violence at several theatre locations over the weekend. We additionally have My Bloody Valentine, no, not the excellent band of the same name, but some shiteous horror movie. It has been suggested that because these movies were both rated R, and that the under 17 have nothing better to do on the weekend, the teenagers paid to see Paul Blart this weekend, but probably just snuck into these movies. Yes, these movies suck too, but I would see either of these over experiencing the pain of a movie based on mall-cops, or watching a movie with Kevin James. Russ said that he doesn’t mind Kevin James’ stand-up. Enjoy Kevin James then, you and the rest of whoever is watching that crap. I’ll save myself for Daniel Craig movies, at least he’s worth looking at, even if the movie turns out bad. Oh, and Harry Potter.

-posted by samsquared

January 22, 2009 at 5:00 AM 1 comment

Born to be cool

©Jeremy & Claire Weiss Photography/Day19.

via day 19 - super cool photos

I had a week-long love affair with some white plastic fake-Bans this summer. I thought I had really become cool for the rest of my life. Standing calf-deep in a pool with a cigarette in my mouth, my awesome fake-Ban sunglasses, and a beer, I was positive living in general didn’t get much better. That was until some jerk broke my sunglasses. Thankfully I have good friends and got a sweet new pair for the holidays. So obviously I might be partial to Ray Ban’s viral campaign.

Normally my thoughts are as follows. Viral campaign; The phrase makes me want to have a viral vomit all over the interwebs. It’s just a stupid way of saying ‘We got a lot of people to look at our advertising without them knowing it was advertising!’ Sure, if you want, you can pretend that you tricked me. But it’s pretty easy to trick someone into watching a youtube video and not taking it for advertising because you actually got creative. When I say creative, I mean that you left your logo out of 70% of the mini-movie, commercial or whatever. Normally, I know you advertisers, you said “Can we make that bigger?” or “Can we put our logo in there?” The answer is, you can put your enlarged logo up your ass, and that’s why viral campaigns.. … .. sorry, I retch a little in my mouth just saying the phrase.. that’s why these campaigns are effective marketing. Now that’s an oxymoron, hah! Effective Marketing. Ha ha ha!

It’s all about having the right tools and making it your own. I’m not going to over analyze what makes this successful, but it helps there are several other farm oriented birthing videos on youtube.

Being as opinionated as I am, sometimes I am forced to eat my words. That’s okay, my words taste mighty delicious!

January 9, 2009 at 3:57 PM 2 comments

Mo money!

I found this token of a website, GlobalRichlist. HA! Rich list! I’m so broke I should be able to put a negative in here for all the money I owe SallieMae, the goddess of liberal arts funding. Oh wait, whats this? With my mediocre salary the past few years being in school, I’m still rich bitch! Damn, look at all those people I’m richer than. After a small social experiment, it’s been established not everyone wants to be made to feel fortunate.

I'm rich bitch!

I'm rich bitch!

After sending this link to a friend, I got a lecture about the cost of living. I just thought it was nice with all this downer, economic let down, sucks to be American time, we could at least feel richer than the people that make our sneakers. Since this obviously was unsuccessful, I’m offering up another Survival List. This list is different than the first in that it offers recreational enjoyment that can be enjoyed for little to nothing.

Now you can enjoy the ups and downs of the stock market like moguls on the mountain you can’t afford to drive up to this winter. Forget the season pass for the family, build a fire in your burn barrel next to the shanty, and break out the keyboard skills. Upon completing, you are left with a huge sense of self-worth too, the crowd cheers, and they seem to whole-heartedly mean it.

The next generation of youth obviously are going to have a lot of problems in the future. I bet you’re second guessing that whole Woodstock was a good time thing, because now those burnt out hippies are running shit straight into the ground! You can buck up your youngsters, while having fun and teaching him about the REAL world. Not the MTV crap that won’t ever end, but these lovely realistic children’s books.

I know instruments can be expensive, but with all the people going broke lately I’m sure you might be able to get some for cheap. Or start an a cappella band. Then, sing about how you want money. It worked for these guys, why not you too? And a bunch of girls screaming for you isn’t fun?

Back in the days of settling the west, canning goods was a family past time for all to enjoy. Correction: canning goods is for all to enjoy. Start making preserves that will last you through the economic downturn, but watch out for botulism! You can always have a good ol’ Campbell’s soup party, too.

M M M - GOOD! All rights reserved Handsomecat's Flickr

M M M - GOOD! All rights reserved Handsomecat's Flickr

And although I like to blame this on the Republicans, its pretty much every old rich dude’s fault. Including the Democrats. But for some reason, making fun of the Republicans is so much more fun right now. Including that stuck up Stepford Wife Mutant from Outerspace.

I’m sure more people will come up with more fun ways to experience this hell that is the Great Depression Part 2. I welcome them to try and make this more fun and less depressing. I would like to send our government this site, it might help them save more and spend less.

-posted by samsquared

January 7, 2009 at 3:44 PM 1 comment

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